The ups and downs, ups, downs, downs and ups.

Here I sit, 6 days after egg retreival, and I have lost my optimism and positive attitude I am known for. We got 13 eggs, 10 were supposedly mature and 7 fertilized. We then found out 4 arrested, 1 was flagging and the other 2 were "lovely". I was so devastated that 4 had stopped growing (hence "supposedly" mature). I was so over the moon about having 7 embryos! I thought we could have our whole family from those 7. I thought maybe one or two wouldn't make it to freeze, but now it looks as if we will have none. And that means if this doesn't work, it's a fresh cycle all over again. I just don't know about that. The lovelies were transferred back to my perfect uterus with it's perfect lining. Dr. McLaren said they were wonderful embryos and the transfer went smoothly. So why am I sick to my stomach thinking this is never going to work? Why can't I get that feeling back I had 2 weeks ago where I was stressfree and wasn't worried about this not working?? I mean I am having to talk myself out of vomiting on an hourly basis. I have to take a deep breath and state that I have made it to day 6 and tomorrow will be day 7, and so on and so forth. Where is the window to the inside of my uterus so I can keep an eye on these guys? I love them so much already and I can't stand the idea of them not finding my uterus a wonderful place to live in for 9 months. Pete plays the Alabama fight song to my uterus every morning. It's awfully cute :) I hope that's energizing them to stick around.