I am incredibly boring right now. I want some action! I feel like IVF is forever away. I sooo long to be pregnant and it seems like it's so far away. I'll have these moments where I feel that I'll be one of those that goes on for years without having a baby. I don't know why I feel that way. It's a feeling of complete unattainability (is that a word??). I had that feeling yesterday while driving home from work. Maybe because everything is so grey and cold and barren looking? I think about actually being hugely pregnant and I just can't visualize it. I feel like that is something that is not meant for me. I had a dream last night about the IVF working but then I went on to have a miscarriage. And that's another thing. Once I get pregnant (if it happens) how will I keep from constantly wondering and worrying about the baby? Is that the introduction to parenthood?
My Dad once told me that he was never truly happy once he had kids. He didn't want me to take it the way I did (umm...what kid would take that as anything but rude and insulting???). He tried to explain that once you have kids, you are always worried about them and that prevents true happiness. My mother, of course, laughed at the ridiculousness of his statement and claimed it to be untrue (God love her).
My grandfather always said to never wish your life away, but I would gladly speed ahead by 30 days or so. Sorry, grandpa.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
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