Monday, August 30, 2010
disappointed
Pete's swimteam meeting at the doctor was moved to 9/15/10 due to some sort of "family emergency" in the office. Don't these people understand that this constitutes an emergency on our end? This is serious! I still don't see why he has to see an MD that specializes in male infertility right off the bat. We don't even know if he is infertile! It makes more sense in my world (where everything makes sense) to have the team analyzed and then if there is an issue, he can then do see that Dr. But I didn't make the rules and they didn't ask my opinion when they did so....grant me the patience to accept the things I cannot change...................
Thursday, August 26, 2010
A little apprehensive....
about starting a blog but I do want to chronicle this journey. I have recently aquired some hobbies to distract me from this wait and one of them is reading. Currently Jimmy Buffett's "A Pirate Looks at Fifty" has inspired some life reflection so I thought I would parlay these feelings into words.
My husband and I began our quest for "human puppies" in Feb 2010. I thought it might take us a while to get pregnant since I had always remembered irregular cycles pre-birth control and Pete only has half of a swim team, thanks to an unwelcome cancer scare last summer. But I have several friends that have gotten pregnant immediately, even after being on birth control 10+ years as I had been. So I was hopeful that maybe we would get lucky.
I won't go into gory details, but needless to say, the body can be tricky to figure out. I had no idea when I was ovulating. I thought I did as certain signs of ovulation would present themselves. I therefore presumed an estimated "fertile window". Being new and quite niave to this process, I made several trips to various retailers and purchased home pregnancy tests (always sure to conduct business with my left hand so leering eyes would know I was married and it was appropriate for me to be making these purchases. Why this matters to me, I do not know).
All the tests were negative, even taken several days apart and after I thought a period should have already reared its ugly face.
A few months of this went by and I thought "What is going on? Why am I ovulating but my luteal phase (time of the cycle after ovulation) is so irregular? Is this normal???"
Enter Google. I exhausted the seach engine. My computer would sigh every time I opened it's browser. I called my OB/GYN's nurse. I exhausted her and her voicemail. She dutifully relayed my messages to my MD. She wanted to put me on medicine to force a period. They didn't think I was ovulating. They also told me to start taking my temperature. I thought this was a bunch of hocus pocus. I knew I was ovulating.
As a nurse practitioner, I have just enough medical knowledge to be scary. But I also know when to let the experts do their job. So I compromised with them, only they weren't aware of their concessions. Convinced I was ovulating, I didn't take the medicine but I agreed to taking my temperature. I am a scientist and I love a good data collecting project. Boy am I glad I did! It proved my theory.
Enter my Germanic organization, which I get from my mother. I found a website that allows me to enter my temperature into an electronic graph. A little dot is displayed for every day. It even comes with analysis. My little baby-wanting heart sings! So, all in all, I am ovulating, just not as often as I should be.
It's now the end of August and we have been at this for 7 months. People tell me to be patient. They tell me to relax. They tell me "it" will happen when it's supposed to happen. They tell me everything that I don't want to hear. Never tell someone trying to conceive a child any of these things. It's destructive and hurtful to hear those things, especially from people who have no idea what this journey is like.
I knew conception might take us a while but I never knew it was going to be so emotionally taxing. I have never been on a bigger emotional rollercoatster in my life. My mother has been my saving grace throughout all of this. She listens to me jump for joy, listens to me cry and matches her emotions to mine in a show of support. Now don't get me wrong, Pete is also very supportive and always lets me vent, but ultimately, he is a dear in headlights. And no, I did not misspell dear.
Pete is being quite a trooper and has agreed to allow the swim team to be analyzed. His appointment is in 4 days. While I know we are only working with half a team, I am hoping that their best time will qualify them for a higher level of competition than the Special Olympics offers.
Part of me almost wishes that the Special Olympics is their only option. Why would I wish this, you ask??? The worst news for an impatient, take charge kind of girl to hear is something along the lines of "Well, the team is ok. It's not great, but not bad enough for us to warrant any intervention. Just keep trying a little longer and come back in x months if you haven't yet knocked up your wife".
I go see my doctor on 9/17. I am hoping she will put me on Clomid to kick my lazy ovaries into gear. We want babies and we want them now!
Sorry this post is a bit long. It is the first one and I always feel a little background history is in order. Stay tuned and thanks for joining my rollercoaster.
My husband and I began our quest for "human puppies" in Feb 2010. I thought it might take us a while to get pregnant since I had always remembered irregular cycles pre-birth control and Pete only has half of a swim team, thanks to an unwelcome cancer scare last summer. But I have several friends that have gotten pregnant immediately, even after being on birth control 10+ years as I had been. So I was hopeful that maybe we would get lucky.
I won't go into gory details, but needless to say, the body can be tricky to figure out. I had no idea when I was ovulating. I thought I did as certain signs of ovulation would present themselves. I therefore presumed an estimated "fertile window". Being new and quite niave to this process, I made several trips to various retailers and purchased home pregnancy tests (always sure to conduct business with my left hand so leering eyes would know I was married and it was appropriate for me to be making these purchases. Why this matters to me, I do not know).
All the tests were negative, even taken several days apart and after I thought a period should have already reared its ugly face.
A few months of this went by and I thought "What is going on? Why am I ovulating but my luteal phase (time of the cycle after ovulation) is so irregular? Is this normal???"
Enter Google. I exhausted the seach engine. My computer would sigh every time I opened it's browser. I called my OB/GYN's nurse. I exhausted her and her voicemail. She dutifully relayed my messages to my MD. She wanted to put me on medicine to force a period. They didn't think I was ovulating. They also told me to start taking my temperature. I thought this was a bunch of hocus pocus. I knew I was ovulating.
As a nurse practitioner, I have just enough medical knowledge to be scary. But I also know when to let the experts do their job. So I compromised with them, only they weren't aware of their concessions. Convinced I was ovulating, I didn't take the medicine but I agreed to taking my temperature. I am a scientist and I love a good data collecting project. Boy am I glad I did! It proved my theory.
Enter my Germanic organization, which I get from my mother. I found a website that allows me to enter my temperature into an electronic graph. A little dot is displayed for every day. It even comes with analysis. My little baby-wanting heart sings! So, all in all, I am ovulating, just not as often as I should be.
It's now the end of August and we have been at this for 7 months. People tell me to be patient. They tell me to relax. They tell me "it" will happen when it's supposed to happen. They tell me everything that I don't want to hear. Never tell someone trying to conceive a child any of these things. It's destructive and hurtful to hear those things, especially from people who have no idea what this journey is like.
I knew conception might take us a while but I never knew it was going to be so emotionally taxing. I have never been on a bigger emotional rollercoatster in my life. My mother has been my saving grace throughout all of this. She listens to me jump for joy, listens to me cry and matches her emotions to mine in a show of support. Now don't get me wrong, Pete is also very supportive and always lets me vent, but ultimately, he is a dear in headlights. And no, I did not misspell dear.
Pete is being quite a trooper and has agreed to allow the swim team to be analyzed. His appointment is in 4 days. While I know we are only working with half a team, I am hoping that their best time will qualify them for a higher level of competition than the Special Olympics offers.
Part of me almost wishes that the Special Olympics is their only option. Why would I wish this, you ask??? The worst news for an impatient, take charge kind of girl to hear is something along the lines of "Well, the team is ok. It's not great, but not bad enough for us to warrant any intervention. Just keep trying a little longer and come back in x months if you haven't yet knocked up your wife".
I go see my doctor on 9/17. I am hoping she will put me on Clomid to kick my lazy ovaries into gear. We want babies and we want them now!
Sorry this post is a bit long. It is the first one and I always feel a little background history is in order. Stay tuned and thanks for joining my rollercoaster.
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